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oughh fuyckkk i've been so busy with all kinds of stuff, the only thing i've been thinking of is finishing the album as a whole. right now i'm just kind of in a mode where i look at songs i already have to see if it fits but it gets kinda difficult to tell when something is good enough to be part of the tracklist and i've had so many different idea's that i didn't act upon. there's still one spot on the tracklist that i have no idea where to go with and it has maybe been the hardest part in this process. other than that it gets easier to finish things quicker when i've got them going already, i'm happy about that :] 'naked' was one of the first songs i've written for this album, but also probably took the longest to finish. my main obstacle was just not knowing what it's sound should be and it sounded like a shitty demo until i met my friends who'd wanna record guitars for me and some nice drum sounds, i feel like this process really shaped how the album is gonna sound. ever since i started listening to bands like radiohead, deftones, slowdive etc. i knew i wanted to make guitar music somehow but i can't play myself and i guess i couldn't be bothered enough to ask anyone until like a year ago. lara [who made the artwork] described this song to have way more of a band sound than what she's used to from me and that makes a lot of sense when all of my music up until now has been very electronic. well i mean i guess this is still quite electronic but maybe in a different way. i think the synth lead was one of the first things i recorded that i kept in. it's a toy keyboard i found at a flea market to which i modded a headphone jack onto. the sounds are extremely crunchy and it's tuned extremely flat but at least the black keys work. i'm not sure if i'll ever use it again though, i feel like with every song i'd want to explore new ideas and techniques and this lead feels very 'naked' to me if that makes sense. dear lord i am so tired i have no idea what i'm typing anymore. 'naked' is about my mother. she's not an evil person by any means but i don't think she was made to be my mother, and i think it's very tragic when you hold unconditional love for your children but still left such a stain on them emotionally. there's been way too many situations where i've felt judged, controlled, denied and misunderstood in my most impressionable years that that's the only association i have with her, even though i'm an adult now and i've moved out and i don't speak with her often. i recently learned my mother had a very rough childhood, having a narcissistic mother and an emotionally distant father and that trauma definitely carried over to her children as well. i can't really fault my mother at all but at times i do really wished it could be different. right now i'm just not in the position to give anything back to her and even having a normal conversation is too exhausting. maybe it will stay this way forever or maybe one day once i've found my true self and i've distanced myself enough from my mother i can actually talk to her without feeling like i have to hold myself in. a lot of the lyrics were written at the start of making this song, when i was still living with her, and some of it is recent. i have felt guilt in making this but it feels better for me to consolidate it into a song rather than to keep it inside me. not sure if i'm gonna regret oversharing on this but oh well i've already typed it out. maybe keep this a secret will ya xoxo okay i'm goin to bed -robin
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25 mar 2026
1 jan 1970